Sometimes We Lose Sight

"No matter what the future of the Gnostic legacy may be, there is one thing whose future is certain, and that is gnosis itself - the direct spiritual awakening that comes, bidden or unbidden, to individuals great and small. It is not the property of any religion, though each religion tries to make it its property; it can be invited by meditation and spiritual practice, but just as often it is like the wind, "which bloweth where it listeth," arriving where it is least expected or even desired. Sought or unsought, honored or dishonored, gnosis will always be with us. It is both our birthright and the destiny to which each of us will sooner or later be called."

Excerpt from "Forbidden Faith" by Richard Smoley

Whereas I don't necessarily agree with the arguments that this excerpt is the summation of, this paragraph can and does easily stand on its own as significant and profound.

I am aware that I am discussing an experience I have not had yet, but I can however, understand the premise of a goal that is sought for too hard. It is often the case that the harder we try, the farther we actually get from the goal. Like holding a golf club too hard or swinging with too much vigour will cause the ball to slice, we must always keep in mind the things that will lead us to gnosis. Love, compassion, purity, openness, kindness and a little dash of faith. Whereas some will come upon gnosis in a flash, as is the case of Philip K. Dick and his "pink ray", most of us will realize gnosis as a gradual reawakening to our true "I".

There is, I believe, a tangible experience waiting for us in the sacraments. As I approach the day of my baptism and initiation, I am aware that there is a distinct possibility of an "experience", a glimmer of gnosis, a feather's touch of the divine. Every part of me is looking forward to this and I can't help but anticipate it as a certain vindication of the truth of the path I have chosen, or more correctly, that chose me.

But I am aware too of the danger of expecting the experience. A watched pot never boils and so too will the experience elude me if I look for it too hard. So I must leave myself open to it, but not reach for it. It is a thing that is given but not taken.

And so to is the road to many things that are worth having in this life. Our life is a gift, one for which we should be grateful for every minute of every day. Children, health, family, friends even success are gifts, not rights. It is this sense of entitlement that keep us from appreciating the good things in our lives. It has us always looking to the future for more, for what we don't have now, totally ignorant of the fact that we already have everything we need NOW. We just need to remember, to see that which is in front our faces already.

Once we can embrace this knowledge, the goal of gnosis actually loses its iconic pedestal like value. We are already happy, already content with what we have. Gnosis is like a cherry on top of the beautiful gift of life, not something that will validate my existence. I am content to let it come when it comes, neither seeking nor avoiding it, ready to embrace the moment when I re-unite with the divine.

Until then, my life is full enough.