My First Mass
I went to my first mass today, or at least the first mass where I had a clear idea of why I was going rather than hoping vainly for some God-inspired epiphany.
I went to a little Anglican Church up the way by the name of St. Barnabas. I live in New Westminster, which is the original capital of BC and ripe with some of the most gorgeous turn of the century homes you have ever seen. Heritage is a big part of what my town is about and St.Barnabas is no exception. The building is over 100 years old, built in 1891, with an olden time simpler life feel inside. Very peaceful and quite unexpectedly beautiful with many stained glassed windows you can't see through the wire caging from the outside. It is also one of 7 parishes that are allowed to give blessings to same-sex unions within the New Westminster Diocese. The fate of the remaining parishes will be decided on during some big pow-wow to be held in 2007.
The mass was presided over by a female pastor, her name escapes me please forgive, and she was wonderful. Quietly comfortable and eloquent, she presided over the service with a calm confidence. I was blessed to have come on a day where two children were being baptized. It was a happy occasion and the mood in the church was bright and celebratory, if a little noisy ;).
I accepted the Eucharist for the first time. Whereas I didn't received a blinding flash of divine awareness, I did feel "something". I am beginning to understand the purpose of ritual and the meaning behind this most mysterious of the sacraments. "Something" will have to be enough though and that's not so bad a place to start.
I left feeling replenished and at peace. I will be back as often as I can. Two small children don't always leave Sunday mornings open but my wife is being very supportive and it is only an hour and well worth whatever bargain I have to make with her to go!
I tried to envision what it would be like to be the priest presiding over a congregation. I could feel what it might be like to serve a group of individuals like the one that was gathered there to today. To have them look to you for guidance and for wisdom and to share their love and trust with you is a wonder. I was overcome by a feeling of humbleness and by a renewed certainty that to serve in the name of God my fellow human beings was the path I was here to walk.
Peace
3 comments:
"Something" will have to be enough though and that's not so bad a place to start.
Perhaps I can be of a little help.
If I may draw an opinion, strictly from an impression that I get in your writings, you may be trying a wee bit too hard to find gnosis intellectually.
Go here.
Actually (and this is understandable because I never really said it) the search at this point for me is not gnosis but a connection to the subject.
I did not grow up in a religious environment. Not even close. As I was complaining to Rev Ken+ not so long ago, going to church, reading, discussing in forums and email feels all so intellectual, as you pointed out.
I don't feel connected to any of it yet. I feel like a kid that is watching the others play a game and really really wanting to join in, but I don't know any of the rules. So I sort of sit on the sidelines, cheering when they cheer and groaning with they groan, with very little idea what emotions are causing them to do so.
I get that gnosis will come when it comes. I am content to wait. I just wish I could feel a little more connected emotionally to this stuff, outside of a passion to learn more.
Do I make sense?
You make absolute sense.
It's a great big bunch of intellectual study, meditation, continual practice, and sleep...don't forget sleep...
In the end of it all, it is your yearning desire to want to be a part of it all that gives you the most promise. Listen to yourself about matters discussed, don't just agree with everyone...express yourself, and your "self" will be expressed...
;-)
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